voltzmann | Open RP

😂🙌✨ I knew this day would come I'm so proud you can borrow my plaid until we get you your own regulation flannel 👌

I don't think I look good in plaid, but that's the price I have to pay.

How difficult is the test? Because I got a leg up with the gay one, I already knew all the musicals. Now it's what, hardware and feminism? I'm good to go.

ahead of the curve like always smartypants so what did the menfolk do that's finally lost you to their ranks?

Have you met men?

As a group, we really suck.

yeeeeeeeeeaaaaahhhh I cannot refute your statements but you kept trying! that's quality optimism.

That's not optimism, that's desperation and lack of choice.

When I said I liked dick I didn't mean that the men all had to be dicks. And idiotic. Mostly that.

ok you can be one of the grumpy lesbians but then you NEED your own flannel I don't have enough to support the grumpy lesbian lifestyle are we fighting the world today?

See, people will just think I'm the world's wimpiest lumberjack.

Always. But mostly I'm getting dick picks.

...do women send vagina pictures?

the world has small trees AND big trees. #philosophy nah. it's the angles. too awkward. too lazy. so much easier to send tit pics.

I'll go be a lumberjack in Iceland.

See, tits I could handle.

...that came out wrong.

being the only lumberjack somewhere automatically makes you the best good thinking very strategic that's the spirit!! handling tits is kinda the point clearly you're a natural.

That's me. I can't chop trees, but I can make you think I have.

I don't think I could handle-handle them. Damn it, back to finding men.

💔😢 but I feel like we both grew as people during your experimental phase and if you moved to Iceland how could I carry your tiny angry body out of bar fights?? it's better this way.

I'm not that tiny. But I'll concede the point.

And keep dating dicks, I blame you.

ok so what you really need is a dick detector to find the non-dicks in the sea of dick-having dicks OR. shots.

A dicktector.

Sorry. Channelling someone I know. Shots sound more plausible on short notice.

shots are a medical necessity if you're making up puns like that who have you been hanging out with 😖

I've not been hanging with anyone, I'm a lonely hermit. Just an old coworker likes to name everything, so it came to mind.

come be a lonely hermit with meeee work with us GHOSTS ARE REAL HOW IS THAT NOT AWESOME and we get so much chinese food old coworker you say

I would, but I'm writing a research paper on the tooth fairy right now. Also, I prefer Thai.

Yes, from before I fell into professional disgrace for being right.

yeah that guy died right? might not be a deal breaker. just saying. if you still want to kick his ass maybe I know a guy. it's me I'm the guy. because ghosts are real. just like I always said.

The guy that fired me died. Not the coworker with the penchant for naming things.

Sure, ghosts exist. But what about my Thai preference?

I'm just saying if we run into that guy who fired you again the dead one I'm beating him up for you 💪 Thai sounds so good right now let's get some

I believe technically he was erased from existence, but I appreciate the thought. I'll get right on hero worshipping you.

You're aware that I'm not the one that can run fast enough to get to New York in a flash?

But even if we got some, I need to know: how are you with spice?

that's my boy 😘 I'm good with spice. so good with it. me and spice we're very tight 🔥👌

(no subject)

mostlyajerk - 2016-08-07 18:02 (UTC) - Expand